I can’t comfortably order my food if you’re cute.
I love seeing old woman wearing lipstick. I feel like it’s a sign of having your shit together. They’re just like, “I’m 74 and if I can get out of bed and make myself look presentable then so can you.”
pro tip: don’t hang out in groups of couples if you’re single
Bowling is like paying to embarrass yourself.
My goal for this summer is to watch as many Johnny Depp movies as I can.
Life is hard and then it gets harder.
There are some people I just want to walk right up to, get in their face, and yell, “YOUR JOKES ARE NOT CLEVER. YOU’RE JUST AN ASS.”
I know I’m not perfect and that I have an uncountable amount of flaws, but if you’re going to be my friend please don’t point out every flaw you notice. And please don’t get offended so easily because I can really say some stupid shit.
Fuck I can’t sleep.
tonight’s mood: why
to text or not to text: that is the question.